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11:52pm, november 30th, 2021

quick update before december starts! i've got 18 minutes so i better scramble

today was alright! i slept late and almost missed my virtual therapy appointment but luckily i didn't and it went alright

i haven't done much today, just a lot of watching youtube. but i did sign up for the last redditgifts batch & updated this blog, so that's enough for me! you know what they say; no zero days!

but wowza, december so soon. this year's flown by. how surreal. so much has happened... but i have faith next year will be better. i'll get their eventually. at the very least, the shoelaces post turns ten next year. crazy how time flies. (i say that like i was on tumblr back then, lol. i was what, six and a half when that post was made? and i only joined tumblr in 2016. for undertale. but that's a whole other can of worms)

anywho today was pretty alright i think! hopefully you all had a good day too. i dunno who's reading this, but i like to think some people stumble across my little blog on occasion. i'll probably add more pages soon, just for funsies. but i've got another site for other stuff that id like to keep separate from my mentally ill ramblings, though haha ^_^

do feel free to sign my guestbook, though! it's at the top of the page, too (on the homepage, at least), so come say hi :D i'll add some patterns to it later to make it look nice, heehee

remember to take care this december! bundle up if it's warm near you, and stay safe this holiday season! happy holidays!!

lots of love,

- blu <3 <3

3:15am, november 30th, 2021

ah, last day of november. the holiday season will be in full swing soon.

my mom was talking about getting a christmas tree this weekend; she wants to decorate this week too. i do like the holidays. nice smells.

as much as i miss living in england, it is nice to live somewhere where we get a good amount of snow again. i love the snow. i imagine most people do.

what else to say... uh, i have a virtual meeting with my therapist today. not for like, 12 hours, but that's still today. hopefully i don't oversleep.

but i really don't like my therapist... andrew's a nice guy and all but i just don't mesh with him well. i don't think i'll ever be able to really open up to him. which kinda defeats the whole point of therapy.

(man, i don't know how i'm gonna get an osdd-1b diagnosis. i could never tell my mom. or andrew. or my doctor. maybe i'll just wait until i'm an adult.)

i'd like to get the ADHD, autism & OCD diagnoses before then, though. i feel like if i could cope with those the osdd would be easier to deal with, at least. i dunno. i'm worried my mom might treat me different if i got diagnosed as autistic. like, it wouldn't really change anything. she works with autistic kids, but they're, like, two and three. i don't think she really knows what autistic kids older than that look like. probably not, because clive seems kinda autistic, and so do i, and charlie kinda does too, so maybe she just thinks all kids are like that. idk

uh, that's all i really had to write, i guess. i need to eat better. i don't really have proper meals most days other than, like, kraft mac and cheese. it's mostly snacks if anything at all, until mom makes dinner. which is takeout fairly often. because shes really tired all the time. idk. maybe if i went for walks more i'd feel better. (though december probably isn't the best time to start going for walks.

i guess i'll have to make a new blog page for next month tomorrow. i wonder how long i'll keep this up for. i'd like to make at least one post a week, but that's a lofty goal for me sometimes. maybe twice a month or so is more reasonable. i think i could do that. i'll try to do that.

oh, i forgot i wanted to write about the stranger out there who i met on club penguin earlier. we talked about how nice it was that people still run club penguin out of love for it all these years later. i finally waddled around and made a new friend :) Ttboy4 if you're out there, i'm Ninareads. that's been my club penguin handle since i started playing in 2010=ish. wow, how time flies. but it was nice watching the stars at the festival of lights with you! it was nice talking to you, even if it was only for a few minutes. i'll never forget you <3

i think i'll get off the computer and into bed now. i'm really cold.

happy holidays!

- blu

p.s. it took me 15 mins on the dot to write all this! :D

1:40am, november 29th, 2021

hi... it's been a while since i posted

i think it was a day or so after my last post i started a new medication (50g of hydroxyzine for sleep, which has done nothing) and i've been having A Time. on top of all that we went down to my uncle robbie's for thanksgiving, so i was away from home for a while

but i'll spare you the details

that's all for now, i guess. i wonder if anyone has seen my site? i didn't put any tags on it, and i doubt the url "blumiere" is in high demand either; i doubt anyone just plopped this url into the search bar. so where did all 530 something of those views come from...?

well, i know i refresh the page a lot to make sure my code works, but i doubt i've done it that many times. hello to everyone who found my site, though, i hope you're all well

that's all for now,

- mona (blumiere)

11:41pm, november 19th, 2021

it feels like forEVER since mona and i last updated but i guess it was only a couple days ago but hi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its susie (duh) and mona doesnt really have anything to add

i hope i get some milk duds soon thatd be cool!!! i love milk duds

i like ham too (NOT with the milk duds) (SEPARATELY)

anyway monas tired early today so i think its an early night for us g'night

- SUSIE

12:35am, november 18th, 2021

ITS MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i didnt split or anything on november 18th i just thought man. thats when my birthdays gonna be. SO IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SO HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!!!!!!

- SUSIE

11:59pm, november 17th, 2021

mmpgh... sorry for not updating in a couple days. didn't have much to say.

had a checkup at the doctor's yesterday. i don't really remember if anything came out of it. i've got a checkup about my meds tomorrow, it's been a month since i started the lowest dose of sertraline. (4 weeks, technically, i think.)

i played persona 3 FES for an hour and later, tf2 with clive. it was nice. i woke up at 4pm ish, though, because i went to bed so late. i think i'll sleep earlier tonight, luckily. it's just a feeling i've got. we'll see how it turns out.

i might make some more pages on this blog about things i like, because it's really a hassle to keep making new sites for every thing i'm interested in. i don't know why i do that. i'll have a page to link them all at some point, hopefully!

um, i read a nice deltarune fic just now. go read it :)

[edit 11/18/2021 12:37pm: archive of the fic]

i only read it bc someone on my dash drew art of it (here, if you're curious.)

that's all for now!

- blu(miere)

1:14pm, november 15th, 2021

hi hi i havent slept all night. kind of a foolish move on my part

first it was wanting to stay up to wave off mother and charlie

then it was staying awake to finish phantom of the opera

then it was staying awake until noon to take my meds

now its just kinda. wayyyy way way too late to sleep so im probably stuck awake till bedtime

which is really bloody annoying because i would very much like to sleep right now but im afraid if i do i will sleep through dinner and i really need a meal all i have had today is bread with nutella

we have. Some other food like mainly ingredients. plain leftover spaghetti with nothing to top it. plain tortillas. lettuce. various vegetables. some raisin bran(?) or something. the only food of substance we have is bread with nutella which is NOT. good food. like it tastes fine but it is NOT filling

but the other stuff we have is ramen which i am Reluctant to try because i do not know if i will like it. and that leaves.... soup. just soup. chicken noodle soup (but slightly different from the one i like) chicken with RICE? soup and tomato soup. but i will literally cry and kill myself (THE LAST PART IS A JOKE) if i make myself soup

so i guess i just gotta wait for dinner which i do like most days anyway but today theres just especially nothing. theres my halloween candy bu im getting kind of sick of it i just do Not want to eat it rn... not even sick of it im just not in the mood so like. idk. no food for blu :(

umm thats really all i have to say. im still rewatching phantom for the second time. there will probably be a third. byebye

- blumiere

11:20pm, november 14th, 2021

heyyy whats up mona hasnt posted today so im doing it for him

he stil hasnt figured out what hes gonna do for pfps cause most of them arent gonna fiit with the Vibe of this site yknow but like he'll figure it out im just using one of the ones that came with the site for now lol

i think susie did that too

uhh i wanna get back to playing danganronpa thats what mona let me do all day not that he needs to let me or anything but he didnt really care

so i did

ok im running out of things to talk about and like i said. danganronpa. so i guess im done for now

bye

benrey

10:40pm, november 13th, 2021

maaan i can't believe its been a year since unus annus ended... i miss it a lot

i was there on the stream when they shut it down and afterwards i watched my birthday video the one they put out on october 28th (this one if you were curious) and when i finished it i refreshed the page and it was gone. it was so surreal

i know i could totally find reuploads online but that feels dishonest like their one wish was to let unus annus die after the year and i think i need to respect that :(

during the last livestream i bought a poster and a bandana (that are both still in a box somwhere from the move... but really that's on me for not opening the poster yet)

whenever i find them i'll hang them up but depending on the poster paper stuff for the poster i might need to get a frame for it hahaha

memento mori,

- blumiere

10:33pm, november 13th, 2021

mona wanted me to make a post on here so it's not just him, so here i guess. im susie. idk what they want me to put here

should i talk about milk duds or something

i fucking love milk duds theyre my favorite candy but we DONT have any. next time i see some im gonna make mona buy them

i dont have anything else to say

-susie

6:52pm, november 13th, 2021

HIIII i wanted to ramble for a bit about my day

i woke up at four-ish and then me and mama went to the library and i got some BOOOKS i got a couple sherlock holmes novel compilations two german travel dictionaies and a book on the history of pronouns!!

(im gonna try and pick up german again btw)

uhhh today's song of the day is i wish by skee-lo! its stuck in my head LOL

im supposed to be playing among us with my family rn but im in such a Mood im very like.overwhelemed rn omg latte just came in shes my cat i love her

BUT I GUESS ITS AMONGUS TIME oh byebye latte SO BYE I GUESS

- blumiere!!

7:25am, november 13th, 2021

hey hey. 7:19am as i'm starting this post.

just wanted to ramble for a bit. i'm listening to gerard way's music... thinking about how the holidays... christmas is coming up soon. forty something days, emma checked when we visited earlier. she's been excited since september.

oh, but thanksgiving is first... i don't like thanksgiving. never have. but oh well, i guess. as long as they don't make me eat the stuffing i can put up with it. (i hate stuffing.)

but man, am i excited to maybe see real snow this winter!!!! it might even snow on christmas... how magical would that be!!!

but i don't know what to ask for :( last year i asked pretty much exclusively for a uk 3ds and professor layton games and then i spent most of the day playing miracle mask, heeheehee. (miracle mask is super good btw go play it)

BUT IDK WHAT TO ASK FOR THIS YEAR!!! i hate asking for anything i always feel so selfish :( hopefully mama can help me... but until then i should probably get some sleep!!! i haven't slept yet and mama said we could go to the library later ^-^ i'll let you know what books i get!!

so goodnight goodnight!! even if it is morning... it's bedtime somewhere!! (i guess that somewhere could be here, heeheehee!)

- blumiere

11:53pm, november 12th, 2021

hey. i've had a... fine day, i guess. woke up at 4 or so. i fell asleep really late. (really early?) i dunno.

it's 10:31pm as i'm writing this, probably later once i finish. i mostly came to rant about how much lesbophobes piss me off.

and EVERY time we call them out. they call "homophobia! homophobia! you hate gay men! you hate mlm! you're homophobic!" like no, i'm not. if your reaction to me telling you you're lesbophobic is to call ME homophobic, maybe think on that a little. because i'm not the problem here.

other common "problems" they have with me saying the toothpaste flag is lesbophobic:

  • *calling me homophobic*

    • why am i homophobic for pointing out lesbophobia? i'm not.

  • "we match flags uwu isnt that cute??"

    • no, it's not. i'm not five. i don't want to match flags with people who hate me half the time.

  • "don't call it the toothpaste flag!"

    • what would you do if i killed myself right in front of you? if i shot myself in front of you? and then named you the reason i killed myself in my note? what would you do?

  • "oh but the demiboy/girl and the transmasc/fem flags match!!"

    • ok, and those are gender identity flags first of all. second of all, they were made to match, with identites that correspond to each other. most trans people i've talked to say they can absolutely relate to posts people make even if they're transitioning to the opposite gender. the lesbian flag was made on its own, for LESBIANS. any flag with that sort of gradient and a white stripe in the middle? that is a LESBIAN flag design. it's why most people don't say to use that aceflux flag; because it looks like a lesbian flag ripoff. (this flag, for reference.)

    here's some examples that explain another gripe i have better than me:

    ---
    ---
    ---


    so there you go. that answers that.

  • "why do you (a lesbian) get to choose what flags gay men can and cant use" (this is usually followed up by them expressing how much they hate dykes or something else lesbophobic)

    • why do you, a gay man, get a say in what is and isn't lesbophobic? kys

  • "oh the LISTERINE flag is bad, but the toothpaste one is fine!"

    • nope. why do you wanna use a flag that has such awful origins

    on top of all of this, the flag has a shitty creator, too- bi/pan lesbian supporter, plus it was just made by some flags blog. it doesn't even have a meaning like THIS is the flag you want to represent your community?

    another thing- here is a reference on this & why the toothpaste flag sucks. this also has some good stuff but is primarily about mspec lesbians and why THAT'S harmful and lesbophobic.

    in conclusion, i am not above telling people to off themselves, i am right about this and i think all toothpasties should kill themselves, and i feel way better after ranting about this for literally an hour. i guess i'm passionate about lesbian history LOL

    p.s. here's some sources about the word "dyke"- i know a lot of twitter & tiktok users (and seemingly ONLY them...?) are of the opinion that only black lesbians can say dyke a.k.a. the d-slur, and yeah, that's wrong. i'm white, obviously, but i've done my research and i CANNOT find any legitimate sources stating this. or any sources... at all. it's just random twitter/tiktok users on this. not even redditors and tumblr users. i reckon people might've mixed it up with stud, which while not a slur, is a term for black lesbians to describe themselves (and it's ONLY for black lesbians). here's a few various sources: x x x x x

    that last one is a lengthy essay i find very interesting on the origins of the word "dyke", if you were curious.

    that's all for now, then, i suppose!

    yours sincerely,

    - blumiere

    whoops, you found the secret text. i wanted a gap between the end of text and the bottom of the page -blu